Thursday, April 28, 2011

Everyone wants to see me topless

Yeserday we met with the radiation oncologist (Yes, Mazzili).  He was very nice.  He explaned why I deffinatley needed radiation and some of the precautions we would have to take and so on.  I will be starting at the end of Aug (After Lauren and Scott's wedding) and will continue for 33 busines days (skipping Labor day and Yom Kippur).  We spoke about dermititis or the skin burning, we talked about lotions and where the burns will actually be.  Then just before we finished he asked to see my scar but there was no gown (which three of the five medical oncologists didnt have one either) He said dont worry just sit there (I was in a chair) and pull up your shirt.  SO I flashed him.  I really have lost all shame.

Choose to be Happy..

I have been spending a bit more time in our "reading" room than I used to.  The other day I got reading an article in one of my old cooking magazines, it was about controlling your mood.  Every morning we all can choose to be happy or not.  I found this article to be so true.  I try to deal with what is thrown at me and make light of it and move forward.  I try not to let things get me down.  Even yesterday while talking to the radiation oncologist he said his part was much easier than the chemo.  I said I was glad to hear because honestly the chemo isnt too bad.  Yes, I have a bad day but I blame that more on the Neulasta.  I also feel one bad day every other week isnt too terrible either, considering I am getting a combo of two drugs given to me at dose they normally would give every three weeks.  We also spoke about how if you go in to something with a good attitude you tend to have a much better outcome.  He also talked about staying active.  Walking, going back to the gym etc.  I had to cancel my membership due to chemo since they did not want me using the machines while my counts are low (I guess the are germ factories).  So I will be looking for a treadmill for home.  Guess Jeff will have no issues trying to figure out what he can do for me for mothers day this year. 

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

My, what BIG eyes you have

My Aunt loves to study Maddie and pick out which parts she got from me and which are from Jeff.  Aunt Carol has been stuck on Maddie's eyes.  She kept saying they where neither of us.  I insisted that though a bit rounder than mine, they are mine. Aunt Carol insisted that my eyes are much too small and she went on to examine other family members to see who Maddie got her eyes from.  This has been an on going debate until this Saturday.  We went up to Aunt Carol's to bring chairs up for Easter dinner.  I had a baseball cap on which she made me take off so she could see my hair cut.  From that moment on Aunt Carol no longer questions Maddie's eyes they are mine.  Aunt Carol was beyond nice and said that she could not believe how much my hair hid my striking features.  Please keep in mind the women's birthday is this upcoming Sunday, so she is on good behavior.

Weekend update

Jeff's office was closed on Friday so he was off.  It was really nice for all of us to just hang out.  I felt like it was Saturday all day.  Which is funny to me since he has been working from home more since my diagnosis.  Saturday I sealed our granite counters in the kitchen, I still need to do the bathrooms.  Easter was nice and there was NO Drama which was even better. 

I might just have to shave my legs...

Knowing that ALL my hair should fall out, I have gone the lazy route and not shave my legs.  Well, that hair seems to really want to hang on.  It is rather upsetting I could very well get used to this 5 minute shower thing.  It seems that we are skipping spring again this year and going right into 80 degree weather so I will have to put a little more effort into my morning routine. 

Friday, April 22, 2011

Food

Well my great plan to eradicate ice cream out of my diet failed...  I am still grossed out by the thought of either of the two salads I had before the first treatment.  This week besides the want for beef every chance I can eat, I have added Milk and a huge craving for my Aunt Patty's potato salad.  I did not have cravings while pregnant however with chemo it is crazy. 

Call me Jane.. GI Jane

On Tuesday I noticed that I lost more hair in the shower than normal.  So when I came down stairs I announced to Jeff and Aunt Carol that I thought it was time to shave my head.  They both talked me out of it.  Wednesday being my bad day I didnt want anyone near my head.  Well it happened last night.  Jeff shaved my head.  It feels pretty funny.  I am glad I an no longer leaving tons of hair all over.  It is crazy how it comes out.  I didnt even realize I had as much hair as what was falling out.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Chemicals

I'm at the oncologist today getting my second chemo treatment. I am having a really bad allergy day. The office was having their grass cut when we got out of the car and the man next me smells like smoke. I asked of I could take another allergy pill and they said no. They are poisoning me and I can take an extra zyrtec. Crazy. I have t even had the chemo drugs yet, just the pre meds.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Chicken, It's whats for dinner

I thought I would post my "good week" cooking adventures.

Tonight we are having roast chicken with braised fennel, sweet potato chips and sweet snap peas. 
For as much as I love cooking I can not carve for the life of me, I sure hope Aunt Carol stops by to cut up the bird..........

Food Issue

I have not really had too many food issues.  I did have a salad the Sunday before my last treatment and for lunch the day of.  Every time I felt sick last week that was all I could think of those two salads and it grossed me out.  After talking to Jeff about it, we have decided I will have ice cream for dinner on Sunday and my "treat" for after Chemo on Monday will be to eat at Mary Jane's.  I have a HUGE addiction to ice cream!  It is considered a food group with most of my family.  I remember one night while I was pregnant I decided to go get ice cream from Mary Jane's for dinner.  It was just me and J and J for dinner and they both would not have minded ice cream for dinner.  I heard a car beep and it was Aunt Carol and Gram they did a U-turn on 9w and asked if I would prefer to go to Dairy Isle with them for dinner.  As you can see it is a family issue.  We are hoping that I can use this chemo thing to my advantage.  I thought I would toss peanut butter cups into the mix as well, but Jeff said I should take away all my loves. 

Day 11...

And I still have my hair.  I know it will be leaving soon, but it really seems to be hanging on.  Yesterday, we (Aunt Carol, Maddie and I) went into the city for a "fill".  Aunt Carol did not go in with me, for those of you wondering how she could do that...  I have to say it is beginning to look more and more like a real boob, minus the nipple of course.  After our appointment we met up with one of AC's friends who babysits her granddaughter who is two months younger than Maddie.  We went to lunch (not a good one) then walked around Central Park.  Aunt Carol had so much fun that she plans to make this trip with me regularly now.  Next time we will go to the Childrens Museum so Maddie can run around a bit or Canal St, which is AC's favorite part of the city besides 47th street.  Maddie loves the city and after three blocks she caught on that you walk when the little white guy lights up and if I was not quick on the take off she let me know of her discontent with the situation.  I need to teach her that she does not need to say hello to everyone and that we do not need the flyer's that they hand out on corners. 

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

"Going to Bat against Breat Cancer"

My dream job is to be "Victor 00" For you non-Mets fans he is the bat boy.  I got an email the other day from the Mets saying that they and the Susan G Komen foundation are holding a contest.  You have to submit stories and can win a chance to be Victor, on Mothers day.  How awesome would that be.  I am sure I could sit down and write some sap and win.  I worry though if it would be a bad thing for me to have access to bats and the players at the same time........

Reading......

I want to thank everyone for the emails about books.  I downloaded the new Maeve Binchy book.  She is an Irish author whom I have loved for years and forgot how much I enjoyed her.  I finished that book last night.  She is true chick-it author so if you are looking for a book with more of than a happy go lucky feel I highly recommend it.  Thanks Deb for the heads up. 

Another book that was suggested to me was Naked, which I have already read.  This book is not chick-it but a more of a "finding ones self".  It can be a bit crude at times but is full of laughs. 

So hit me again with others.... I also downloaded the Lincoln Lawyer which I will try to start today.  However I need to shower and vacuum before I get my nose in a book.

Fios......

Just for the record, we love the service however the whole installation process has been a PITA!!! Three men showed up yesterday and wanted to talk about burring the wire.  That is when I realized I must have lost all shame.  I went outside in my pajamas to chat.  They buried half of the wire but they do not move river rock so they tied it to my fence.  This is driving Jeff nuts.  So either I need to call them back and get them to bury it on the other side of fence or I need to just fix this myself.  Maybe in two weeks, when I have another good week. 

She can climb a Mountain, or at least the furniture...

Maddie has been very very busy lately.  She is great at communicating what she wants to us now.  She points what she wants and to who she wants to get it.  She knows where her goldfish are and where go if she wants milk.  It is crazy to me to see how much she changes each day.  I see so much more of both Jeff and my personalities in her and it is just fun.  Yesterday we took her to the park to play.  Maddie had to try each of the 4 baby swings before she decided which one she liked best.  The same with the 4 bouncing horses.  Jeff did take her down the big slide, I was a bit worried after our last slide adventure together. 

Good days and recaps

This weekend was nice and low key.  We did not do much of anything on Friday or Saturday. We did go to Hobby Lobby and have pictures framed that we have had for a few years and never did it. Sunday was a big day for me.  It was the first time in 5 weeks I was alone with Maddie.  I urged Jeff to go to the mets game.  I felt good and really missed my alone time with Maddie.  We play and read and NO TV, it is nice.  Sunday was great and we did all that!! We did watch some of the game to look for Dada in the crowd. 

Yesterday (Monday) I had to go to Dr Zak's office for a CBC.  I had to wait 45 mins to be seen, which is never good.  Jeff came with me and I dont know which of us is more impatient when it comes to waiting. At the half hour mark he asked which one of us was going to see what was going on.  I decided it better be me, since I tend to be a little nicer with these situations.  When it was my turn they took me back and said they would have to take my blood pressure, I already alerted them that I was sure it would be high since I had to wait 45 mins for a simple blood test.  They apologized for being short handed, but said things happen.  I said being late it drives me nuts.  I hate when people are late.  I "fluff" times to people who are late.  After the stick they could not access my vein, I guess it got ticked for waiting too and kept moving on them.  My blood came back very well.  My white blood cell count was low but not too low.  My sugar was still low so we will keep monitoring that.  They weighed me and I have only lost one pound, I was a bit upset and so where they.  I have asked a million times if there was anything I should or should not be doing, they have all said to keep my life as normal, just as I had before chemo.  Well I was watching my weight before all of this so I continued to....  We agreed to watch it and not obsess over it, but I am sure my primary doc would agree with me about watching my weight. 

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Excuses.....

I hate excuses. I hate when people say I have been so busy I could not call or check in,(before I get a million emails this is not directed towards anyone) the truth is other things have been more important than making time for me or whatever. Well today and excuse was made for me and I hate it. Today is the first time in 6 years that we are not selling t-shirts for the Hudson Valley Autism walk. I am feeling pretty well. I do understand that more of a commitment was needed than let's see how I feel and what is going on. It just bothers me, I am not one to make excuses.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Today was a good day

The title sums it up. I got up with Maddie today, just her and me. I made us breakfast and when Jeff came downstairs we where well into our morning. The afternoon was just as nice. I am tired and I am very much looking forward to bed time. Hopefully the worst is behind me and I at least know what to expect for the next go round.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Yesterday was tough

I had a shot on Tuesday to boost my white blood cells.  One of the side effects they said would be bone pain.  Tuesday night I had what felt like a stiff neck.  When I woke up on Wednesday I was in PAIN and felt sick to my stomach.  Aunt Carol and Jeff chased me back to bed and waited on me hand and foot.  By last night I was starting to feel better.  Today I am feeling better, I was tired today but feeling really well.

It's Thursday already....

To recap, we had a great weekend.  Saturday we ate with some great friends and had such a nice time.  Sunday we did some shopping that we needed to get done.  Monday was my first chemo.  Tuesday I got a hair cut, it turly is a $12 hair cut, but I wont have any soon so who cares. 

Monday, April 4, 2011

The almost toyless child

My dining room table, which is huge, has a new meaning to its life.  It now holds all of Maddie's banned toys.  Things that she can climb on, stick her feet in, use as a weapon etc.  Pretty soon she will only have her couch and tent left.  Last night I made peas and lentils again, which are now on our banned list as well.  Maddie stuffed them up her nose again, she even sneezed one out which was gross and disturbing. 

One down 15 more to go........................

Sounds crazy right.  So today wasnt bad.  Accessing the port hurt (I know, I promised no more complaining).  When we got there this morning it was a little confusing.  They did not have enough chairs for every one, but that was quickly resolved.  Jeff and I sat in the main room, we met a lovely lady who was getting treatment as well.  There was also a man with us, but he took a nap, he didnt snore so that as nice. 

They started with some anti nausea meds and then a bag of fluids.  When the fluids were just about done they came in and pushed the adrimicyn in.  It was bright red.  Carol the nurse said it may change the color of my urine.  Jessie had the same drug, I never remember her having red urine.  Getting the same drug as her made me miss her a lot today.   Next was the cytoxin that took a little less than two hours.  Next was lunch, we went to Torches.  Before I went to the ladies room, Jeff asked how soon after the drug would it make me pee red.  I said I wasnt sure sicne with the sential node injection it took two days to turn my pee bright blue.  Adrimicyn turned it right away, Im back to normal now. 

The reason for 15 more is we decided to do taxol every week for 12 weeks instead of every other week for 4 treatments.  There are less side effects, it just adds another month to my treatments. 

Friday, April 1, 2011

Dear Mother Nature

I am beginning to hate this weather.  Going to Fl in Feb has not helped my disgust for you either.  I would like to see the sun, and not have to wear many layers when going out to get the mail.  If you do not ship up, once I am feeling stronger, I will start to look into warmer places to live.  It will also be a tax friendlier place too.

Opening day...

And I am not excited.  I dont know if it is the team or that I have been occupied with other things.  I have not even payed attention to spring training.  I know Bay is hurt and who knows about Johan..  I am sure we will watch the game tonight and maybe I will get sucked in but its not looking good this year boys.

The Princess Pat....

Only a couple of you may understand this title.  It is from my girl scout days, it was a song we sang at camp.  "The Princess Pat, had a mighty fine crew, It's red and gold and purple too"  Well that is what describes my body right now.  I went to Dr F for a "fill" yesterday and they wrote on me again with purple marker, I still have maker on me from my surgery which was over 4 weeks ago.  Jeff would like to put Wd40 on it to see if it would come off.  And the rest of me is red and gold and about to turn black and blue.  I know enough belly aching about the port hurting, but it does.  Who would have thought such a little thing would annoy me so much.  I give it one more day then I will stop talking about it. I am sure AC, Jeff and Maddie (as well as you guys) are tired of it too.

Dan was right

Just for the record Dan was right this port thing hurts.  I understand the necessity of it, but goodness when is it not going to hurt.  I do not think Dan reads this so lets not pass it on to him :o)

I am still taking the pain meds at bed time then three hours later wake up to take a benedryl since they make me itch and I wake my self up scratching.  I would take them all at the same time but I fear I just wont wake up since they both knock me out.