Do you think they read this??

Thursday at 2pm is the childrens service at the temple. I had asked for an earlier appointment on that day from the first day of radiation. Since I have the fist appointment they can make it any earlier. When I went into the office yesterday they said that they will start 15 minutes earlier so I will have enough time to get there. That was the first really kind thing they have done. :)

Update about radiation

I will fill you all in on our weekend once my pictures from this weekend finish downloading.

My fatigue from last week was due to my blood being bad. I went yesterday for another CBC and I will have the results later today. I was feeling pretty awful yesterday so who knows how it will be.

I noticed on Friday that I am having trouble swallowing. My throat does not hurt at all, everything just feels like it gets stuck. I googled it and it can be caused by radiation however most of the docs say it isnt. We had dinner on Saturday night with Julie and Mitch. So as much as I hate asking him work stuff when he is off I figures what the heck. He checked my throat incase I had a bad post nasal drip and I had a slight one however nothing too bad. So he said he has another patient who has breast cancer and has the same issue. Yesterday when I went to get my treatment I told them about it. They said it could be but most likely not. I have never had an issue before so how is it not related to the radiation? I meet with dr M today and I will bring it up to him. On a positive note I am eating very few solid foods and a lot of yogurt so maybe I will loose this extra 20lbs with out much effort on my part.

Now back to the unorganized office. When the office manager gave me my schedule on Friday she starred Tuesday and wrote will change due to doctors schedule. So as I was leaving yesterday I asked what time I had to come in on Tuesday. The office mgr said one like everyday. I said ok but you said Tuesday would be later because I had to meet with the doctor. She said back to me "you saw the doctor today". I said no I did not, should I go back and get undressed? So she got up from her desk in a huff to find the nurse to see what is going on. When she came back she said "he will see you tomorrow (Tuesday)." great what time? She looked at the schedule and said 2pm. Ahhhhh. See how this could drive me insane? I am fine if you change things around however they need to tell me.

The actual act of getting radiation does not hurt however my skin feels like it has a sunburn. I still do not have feeling where my actual surgery was however they are radiating more than that. My armpit really hurts and so does my back, neck and behind my left ear. Oh well.....

Does anyone know what today is?

Come on guess??? Anyone ??


Today would have been Jessie's 9th "gotcha day". As I made coffee this morning and got Maddie her milk it hit me. It has been seven months and I still miss her.

Radiation

It's going. I wish I could be more positive about it however I find the whole process annoying. The office just does not seem organized to me. I do not know what my next week looks like until The Friday before. If I try or want to tweak it they look at me like I am asking for a million dollars. They also do not have morning hours. I would so love to get this over with early so I have the rest of my day. Today for example, the office is doing a software update so they need to be done with all patients by 3pm so yesterday they asked if I wanted to come in at 8. I said yea!! I was in and out and home by 9. So much better now I have the rest of the day to do what I want. Only 21 more treatments to go.

Is it nap time??

It is 9:40 am and my house is trashed. I'm not sure what has gotten into Maddie the past two days but she is super busy and crazy. Wednesday we took her for her two year old check up. She is in the 75th percentile for everything. She weighs 28lbs and is 34 and a half inches tall. The doctor was very happy with everything.

I have so much to do today around the house. I started an ironing project yesterday and hope to finish it today. I was also planning to do more laundry however they are flushing the hydrants in my neighborhood and our water is brown. Oh well.

Fatigue

I feel pretty beaten down. However they keep saying if I keep pushing I will over come the fatigue. I just wonder when.....

iPhone app

I found out a long time ago that If you schedule an appointment at Quest and do it online they will have to take you over someone waiting. This is great for inpatient people. Now quest has an app to schedule appointments. So sad that I am excited about an app to schedule blood work. Now if there was an app that did a CBC that would be awesome.

Birthday weekend

Maddies party was this past weekend. Everything went well, the food was good and so was the cake and my baby girl had a blast!!!! Here are some pictures.

No neupogen

My WBC was still a little low however everything else was in normal range. No shot for me today!!!!!

Trending up or trending down

This sounds like words that Jeff would say. However this week it is a phrase I have uttered. I now have to have my weekly blood done at Quest. The do not test it there at the facility they send it to Nj, so I am sure it is with my nipple. I got the results Monday when I went for radiation. It was not good, it wasn't terrible though. I had a blood draw again yesterday and will get the results today. Let's hope I am trending up. Because if it is down I will need a dreaded neupogen shot. I really thought I was done.

My baby girl is TWO

I'm not sure where the time has gone. Words can not begin to describe how much joy you have brought to us. I honestly think I have made it through this year because of you!!! Here are some first pictures of Maddie and her two year old picture from Monday. The last picture was taken by an awesome photographer Melissa is great at capturing "that shot". Thank you surprise photography!!!
Have a very Happy Birthday my Madeline!!!!

Today

I have thought all morning on how I would honor you. The words just seem to have escaped me. You are both thought of and spoken of often in our home. I truly hope you know how loved and missed you both are.

Tears in my ears

This morning did not go as planned. As we came in to our kitchen this morning at 7:15 our phone announced that it was Aunt Carols cell. I thought wow she is our early today. If it was just that. They started to flood again so Jeff quickly put on old clothes and headed up with our shop vac. The roads where so bad this morning Jeff had trouble getting out of our neighborhood. Jeff stayed up there and helped uncle Joel until he had to come home.

We headed over to Fishkill to the doctor. We got there a little early and it was like a ghost town. No one around. I found out that I have the first appointment of the day for radiation. I went into the changing room and put on my gown and waited. I was happy and annoyed that they did not come to get ne right away. The longer I wait the more nervous I become. I am not good with anticipation anxiety. They finally came to get me and I thought I was going to get sick. I was shaking like a leaf. The tech that came to get me was very nice as she started to position me I could not hold back the water works. I seriously wanted to run and find Jeff and leave. I thought ahead, I left my purse with Jeff so if I needed to make a quick getaway I could do with our my top and bra. They reassured me I would feel nothing. I still hAted that they would not let Jeff in the room with me. Now to the radiation it wasn't bad at all it was quick and again feel foolish for braking down and being such a woose. I am home and my anxiety level is normal. My jaw hurts from grinding my teeth my neck is killing me from being so tense. I hate that I get myself so worked up. I needto work on that.

So one down 32 to go!!!!

Dry Run

Well as much as I hoped they would surprise me with the radiation today it was just an hour worth of x-rays. I do much better when ambushed, I guess I did not stress that enough to the doctor. Today also does not count as day one. I did ask. The nurse did not look at me strangely either when I told her about my time line.

While in the "room" I noticed a chair in the corner near the hallway, I asked if that is where my husband could sit tomorrow. They quickly replied NO, he would be exposed to the radiation in that area. AGAIN, please tell me why I am showing up and doing this willingly??? This chair was at least 40 feet from the table and arm that is so targeted it will only zap my left boob in between parameters they set up, so how is it going to get Jeff????

33 days... I just keep repeating that over and over and over again... It will go fast.

What Earthquake.........

The weather was nice so I decided to take Maddie to one of my favorite places.  Bear Mountain...  Sorry I do not have a ton of pics I forgot to check the camera battery.  Aunt Carol, Emma and Timmy joined us!!

My week off

My week off started on Tuesday.  We did not do too much since I still had neupogen pain.  I am glad that they are done with!! 

Jeff decided to take the week off with me!! 

Wednesday we got a litter later start than I had hoped.  However we went to the Bronx Zoo.  Maddie had a blast.  It took us for ever to get home.

Thursday we went into the city but did not do much of anything. 

Friday we took our boss to Chadwick.  We got there early!! 9am!!! We where the first ones there.  However once other kids got there boss lady took charge.  Maddie had these kids playing on what ever she wanted to. 

Procrastinaion at its finest

I am not usually one to procrastinate, but today I am.  I go for my first radiation today.  They said it is a dry run so I might not actually get zapped today.  I am just not looking forward to this at all.  Isnt radiation the thing they all worry about when there is a natural disaster?  When you buy a house near Indian Point they talk about the radiation from the plant.  So I dont get how they expect me to show up and willing say "poison me".  I know I have had six months of poison bring pumped into my veins.  Oh well I better get moving my appointment is at 2:45 and I have a ton of errands to do.  At least my house is all clean.