Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Tomorrow...

Well tomorrow starts a new treatment.  I am both looking forward to start and scared at the same time.  New, means I have completed another leg of our marathon.  Scared, because I do not know what to expect.  I have to take 5 prednisone pills tonight, tomorrow I will be given the same thing in liquid form as well as benedryl all before they give me the new drug.  All the precautions are because there is a high allergic reaction to this drug.  GREAT..  Allergies scare me.  How am I going to react, will I just get hives or will it cause breathing issues?  Will I get the tingly toes and fingers?  Will my nails turn black?  Will I be taking imodium or collace?  Will water taste funny?  Will I have food cravings?  Will I feel as beat up as I did with the last drug?  What is the level of pain, is it just muscle or will I have bone pain too?  Will I have a bad day?  Will I balloon from all the steroids?  I know we will not know the answer to any of my question's until I live through the first few treatments.

Week in review

I realized that I have not logged in her in a few days.  Last week was so nice.  My cousin Deb came down for a visit.  It is always great to catch up with her.  I think I recapped Monday already.

Tuesday we went to Emma's 4th grade concert.  Maddie had a blast.  She sat between Timmy and Tracy.  Uncle Joel is convinced that Tim and Maddie know each other from a previous life.  He feels there is no way the two of them can have the bond that they do with out a past life.  We all have our before or after life thoughts so I let my uncle think what he wants.   However the bond and love between these two is obvious.  Once I figure out the whole picture thing I will post one of my favorite pictures of the two of them.  It was their very first meeting (in this life)..  Im going to back peddle here a bit.  Timmy was very excited when he found out Jeff and I where going to have a baby.  When we found out it was girl we told him and at first he seemed upset that it was going to be another girl, however I think he is over that.  Timmy drew a series of pictures that I have put away that I will show Maddie when she realizes paper is not a food.  He even got all dressed up for my baby shower.  He had Aunt Carol iron a shirt for him and he wore a tie, he even critiqued his mothers outfit.  He thought Maddie was coming the day of the shower.  We will never pick on him for this but how sweet is that.  Back to my favorite picture, it is in my hospital room at Vassar Brothers Timmy is holding Maddie and just gazing at her.  I think besides Aunt Carol he is having the hardest time with Maddie growing up, I think he misses sitting in a chair and just holding her.  Back to the concert, Maddie sat next to Tim and in between her wiggle that we call dancing she would put her arm around him and rub his head.  She did try to hold his hand however his cast was in the way.  At one point she even threw her arms around him and gave him a huge hug.  The fourth grade did a great job and I am so glad that we got to see Emma's concert.

The rest of the week was normal and pretty quiet.  :o)



Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Just for the record

I still have to shave my legs.  I was so excited that one of the bonuses to chemo would be a wash and go summer.  I am still washing and going since I am protesting however goodness my leg hair is really hanging on...

Yes, we test drive.....

Im not sure if I find car shopping fun or not.  I do enjoy seeing and hearing about new technology.  I do love the smell of a new car, I love finding the deal, so maybe I do enjoy car shopping.  We are no closer to making up our minds though if we are going to keep my truck or get something else.  I am sure in the end we will keep mine however the ability to scroll my iphone/ipod while driving to find Maddie's favorite songs is very enticing. 

Birthday Week...

Jeff is a firm believer that Birthday celebrations should last longer than just a day.  I think this is great, I just wish my Birthday was earlier in the month.  I usually get about two weeks of celebrations since I am the 23rd. 
Sunday we packed up the car and headed to one of my favorite things.  Greyhound Friends spring picnic.  The rain held off though the ground and air were damp and the sun was nowhere to be found but it was a great day.  It was great to catch up with some of our two legged friends as well as some of our four legged ones as well.  We found up the sad news that our very first foster has lymphoma his owners are going ahead with chemo and are hopeful however it is still sad.  As we all sat around a picnic table chatting Dexter (he will always be Dexter to me) came over to give me a big kiss, so sweet!!! 

Monday, my actual Birthday, Jeff decided to spend the day with Maddie and I.  My only plans for the day was go to the Oncologists office to get my CBC done.  As we got to the office we realized Maddie had fallen asleep in the car.  Jeff stayed with her as I ran in.  My blood results sucked.  I mean worse than came back bad.  The normal range for my WBC is between 4-10.  Usually the week after chemo I have been around a 3 this past week I was 1.2.... Infections are always a concern.  So I am back to taking my temperature three times a day and tracking how I feel.  I filled my cipro prescription as well just in case a fever spiked in the middle of the night. So far so good however it was still depressing to me to get the numbers.  I felt like I had just failed a test.  I am aware there is nothing at all I can do to "help" increase that number.  I can not boost it by eating good foods or rest, there is nothing I could have done.  I actually cried a little in the car about my results.  I know crying over this it is silly, it is weak and I hate being weak.  I quickly pulled it together and got over my pity party for one.  Then we headed to Danbury, Jeff thought a trip to Williams Sonoma would be just the thing to get me out of my funk.  It was great to walk around the store and touch all the kitchen gadgets.  I did not find anything I needed, earlier this month I went to a pampered chef party with Julie and stocked up on gadgets there.  We did however shop for Maddie.  I love Janie and Jack clothes, we picked out two dresses  and  an outfit for her there.  We also had her foot measured at stride rite and it was one size bigger so we replaced her sneakers there then hit baby gap to get some more jeans.  It was a very nice day with just the three of us. 
By the time we got home Deb was here in Newburgh or Marlboro to be technical.  She came down and visited with Maddie then CaCa and gram headed down and we went out to dinner.  It was very nice and fun.  Maddie was a huge hit and had a huge appetite to match.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Half way, sort of..

Well this week marked an end for me.  I finished up my A/C round of chemo.  I also had my very last Neulasta injection as well, hopefully for the rest of my life! I will start WEEKLY taxol treatments on 6/1 and that will go on for 12 weeks.  The time just seems like an eternity to me. 

I also started getting chemo at my new docs office, it was great.  They used lidacaine before they accessed my port, the nurses stayed in the area so I did not need to watch my bags to see when they finished.  They all seemed really nice too.  I am so glad I made that change.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Dinner with the Fam.

After starving my Aunt and forcing her hike through central park to eat lunch the least we could do was take her to dinner.  Uncle Joel met us at a diner as we met in the parking lot, Tracy drove by and beeped.  As we sat down they came in, Tracy, Emma, Timmy followed by Dave.  Maddie was THRILLED to see her big cousins, she just loves them and I am pretty sure they feel the same.  Emma talks to Maddie and is very patient with her and helped her color.  While everything Timmy does is the funniest thing Maddie has ever seen and she just laughs out LOUD.  Good thing this was not a very busy diner because Maddie was SO LOUD, she wanted everyone to hear what she was telling Emma, who was sitting at the other end of the table from her.  It was a very good day!!

"Dear God, just how big is this park"

Yesterday we all went into the city for my "fill".  My appointment was not until 1:30 so we decided we would take Maddie to the Children's museum first.  Maddie loved it!!! She took off running the moment she could.  We spent about two and a half hours there.  The Museum is on the west side of Manhattan and David's office is on the east.  We took a cab to his office.  Aunt Carol walked Maddie around while I was inflated.  When I got out Maddie had finally closed her eyes.  We decided to walk a bit before hailing a cab.  Well the shady side of the street was of course the park side.  The park side does not have a nice smooth side walk it is cobble stone.  Aunt Carol suggested going into the park.  I did warn her that I am not that familiar with the park however I could guarantee I could get us out on the other side.  I did I hold up my end, however I did have a disclaimer in there.  I knew which way west and north was so we just kept going.  We did make it to a plaza that was all stairs so we did a bit off roading, up a huge hill with tree roots to snag the stroller.  At the next shady not so busy part of the park I decided to change Maddie's diaper.  Maddie did not want to go back into her carriage which promoted Aunt Carol to tell her that she would glady climb in and allow me to push her. I did get us out on the other side and it probably only took an hour.  We stopped and ate lunch, the food was good but the service was not.  After lunch we were only 12 street blocks from the car so again we walked.  I am pretty sure my Aunt will never ever venture into Central Park again....

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Flower Girl Torture

Yesterday we headed to Middletown to try on a flower girl dress for Maddie that was a simular style to the one Lauren picked out.  I didnt know what size to order so I wanted to try them on to see how big or small they where.  Who needs to take my child to toys r us when we can just go to David's bridal.  Maddie LOVED trying on the dress and stood very still as the lady explained how they would be able to take it in to fit her.  Then she took off to stand on the brides pedistal so she could see her self in all the mirrors.  Maddie was in the dress about 10 minutes when I picked her up so we could put her clothes back on.  That is when you would have tought I was trying to hurt her.  She started to scream NO NO NO.. Please please... ME ME ME..  I hung the dress back up and she tried to reach it the whole time crying and yelling that she wanted it back on.  I had to wrestle her to get her clothes back on her.  The real sad part was all Aunt Carol and I could do was laugh.  The harder Maddie cried the more we laughed.  I sure hope she doesnt see when fed-ex delivers her dress. 

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Mothers day

What a nice day.  Jeff made breakfast for all of us.  After Maddie's nap we went out to look at some swing sets.  We still have not decided if we are going to go with a wood one that Maddie will grow into or a  plastic one that she will out grow in a couple of years.  We went to Lowes to do a return and then to price chopper.  I made dinner and then Jeff ran to Mary Jane's and got ice cream for dessert.  It was a very nice relaxing day with just us, it was exactly what I wanted.  The day did get me thinking that I sure hope I turn out to be a good mom the kind that Maddie will want to be with on mother day even when she has her own family. 

Fios Fairies

Last week I was on the phone chatting with a friend when my bell rang.  No one ever rings our bell, when I went to the door it was Verizon.  They said they where here to address my complaint about how the fios cable was attached to my fence.  I explained how I thought we could rectify it, they agreed and fixed it.  I didnt have to do it myself.  I called Jeff at work to see if he called in and complained and he had not.  SO a BIG Thank You to who ever complained.  I have my ideas of who may have done this for us...

Breaking up was easy to do...

Jeff and I met with Dr Maresca yesterday, if you remember back a few months back, he was the runner up oncologist.  After some odd things with Dr Zaks office staff we decided to leave and I feel pretty good about my decision.  They accommodated my Monday schedule for AC and we decided to give Wednesdays a try for Taxol, however that can be adjusted once we start to figure out my "bad" day.  I will be finishing up my last treatment the week before Scott and Lauren's wedding so I do not want my "bad" to hinder that in any way. 

Thursday, May 5, 2011

WHO MADE THIS MESS!!!!!!!!!!

Well, Debbie did.. Maddie has learned how to say Debbie.  Now poor Deb is to blame for everything in our house.  Maddie who threw your food on the floor?  Debbie.  Maddie, who took out all these books?  Debbie..  Maddie has also learned to say Joel.  And her phrase for Uncle Joel is: Joel where are YOUUU!!

Three down...... Many more to go

Monday was round three of my chemo.  I only have one more AC left.  Then I start my weekly Taxols.  I have decided to switch Oncologists.  It is not because of the care it is due to office policies.  I am meeting with the doc I liked that admits into Vassar on Monday to continue my treatment with him. 

I shaved my legs for Aunt Carol

This past Sunday was Aunt Carol's birthday followed by Uncle Joel's on Tuesday so Sunday night we all went out to the Ship for dinner.  I had really been hoping that my leg hair would fall out, well it had not.  So Sunday I shaved, I can not believe how gross it was or what I was thinking by letting it go, Oh well.  I knew that Aunt Carol would have wanted me to wear a dress or skirt.  Maddie was really good at the restaurant, not that I was surprised but it is the type of restaurant that I wasnt sure if they would have a high chair.  They did and they made a huge deal over Maddie which she loved.