I know you are reading..

I posted the link to here on Facebook the other day. I was hoping that by posting it people would read it, not feel sorry, however feel compelled to help me raise fund and awareness for this shitty disease. I know I used a bad word, I did it on purpose. I don't think people realize what this disease does to someone, their family and their body. I have heard from more than one person, "did you get the good one"?,it's not a sweater. "was it the real kind"?, yes lost hair, and body parts and had more surgeries last year than I had the prior 35.

I am walking in this years make strides against breast cancer for the Hudson Valley. Here is the link to my donation page, feel free to push me to this finish line...
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?fr_id=47325&pg=personal&px=30059335&__utma=1.1324590085.1334841252.1346375242.1346379729.10&__utmb=1.6.10.1346379729&__utmc=1&__utmx=-&__utmz=1.1346379729.10.5.utmcsr=makingstrides.acsevents.org%7Cutmccn=(referral)%7Cutmcmd=referral%7Cutmcct=/site/PageServer&__utmv=-&__utmk=54760491

So much...

I really have no excuse for not writing. Except that there has been so much going on that if I say down and wrote everything I may just explode. We have so much to celebrate however really do not feel like it.

This past Wednesday I saw Dr M. And everything looked great. I do not have to see him for another three months. He actually said "you are the picture of health." "if I did not know you I would never know.". Of course he does know me and has seen me topless so he is aware of last year. Last Wednesday came and went. I am pretty sure I can only blame myself however a little celebration should have happened, going out to dinner during the week is hard because of Jeff's schedule, however, nothing. Aunt Carol even forgot to ask how it was and she watched Maddie for me. Maybe it is just old news...

Need to get back on that horse...

Two Thursdays ago was pretty normal. We went to the gym and price chopper etc. all in all it was a good day. Maddie did not nap and feel asleep just before I was ready to cook. I figured I would give her a little bit of time.

I had some veggies i put in the over I roast and the rest of dinner was going on the the grill. I went out and lit it. Came back in house and gathered my food while I let it warm up. I put the chicken, peppers and mushrooms down and opened the lid. This is where my normal Thursday got a bit exciting.. My grill flashed in my face. I moved quickly back. I had my witts about me and before I ran in the house I made sure my hair wasn't in fire. I ran to the bathroom and saw my face very pink and my hair singed. I texted Dan and called Aunt Carol. I calmy said to her, I am going to need you to come down now. She said now, I just made a steak. I said yes now, I am sorry and told her what had happened. Dan said to get check by the ER. I was shaking and knew I could not really drive myself. So uncle Joel came to the rescue. For those of you that know my uncle know that he is not good with things like this. I am shocked he actually came into the er with me. I did send Jeff a text. I started it with Don't panic. I had not heard from him do I had no clue he was actually on the train on his way home. It's hard for most to understand. His day does not end at 5 or 5:30. His time to come home Changes with the day and it is never the same. So Maddie and I have a set dinner time and if he is home great if not we do a second seating when he is. Since I had not heard from him I didn't want to call and disturb him. I did call once I was in the car with uncle Joel. My nose and hair got the worse of the burns. My hair looks like I let Maddie cut bangs for me. And my nose is looking 100% better now. I do have pics but they are not on my iPad yet. I will update once I up load. Needless to say we did not have chicken for dinner we all ended up at Mary Janes for ice cream. Along the way aunt Carol picked up Emma and Timmy and Tracy met us at MJs. In the end it was a nice evening.

I did call weber, the service person came out yesterday and changed the manifold. The insides of my grill. One of my knobs was sticking and I did turn it on that day. I usually do not turn that burner on. The guy explained to me that to it was probably stuck in the ignite setting allowing a lot of gas to build up in the lid and when I opened it it flashed. I will be fine. I have more hair than I did this time last year and the burn was nothing like radiation. I took out chicken for dinner, unjust have no clue how I am going to cook it yet.

"In my country"......

My fellow recruiter friends will understand this title.

We have been back from our trip to Curaçao for a couple of weeks now. I will pay my self on the back here, ok I scratched it.. I have a great sense of direction. Especially when I am hungry or there is the promise of food at the end. This has been a quality I have possessed since I was little.

We went on our trip with Aunt Eva, Mary-Lu and Mike, and Petrina and Chicky. Both couples are great friends of Aunt Eva's. They where in the villa above us.

The country of curaçao is pretty, the scenery at the beaches where breathtaking. However you quickly caught it again once you stubbed a toe on the massive amount of rocks on the ocean floor. The people are not friendly. They are not rude but no one really went out of their way to make us say, "same time, same place next year".

We arrived on a Saturday. Our flights where great and Maddie was a champ, considering we had to wake her up to be at the airport for a 6 am flight. I know.... When we got to curacao the heat and humidity hit us like a ton of bricks. Maddie of course took a nap. We found the car rental area and got in line. It was he longest line there and it seemed very slow. When they got to us it seemed to take longer once they checked us in and took the rest of our payment they directed us to walk around the building and they would assist us. They had our car but not a car seat. The one they had was broken. So we had to wait. Aunt Eva had ordered a van and called ahead to make sure it was automatic. When it was here turn, they took them to a brand new van that looked like a tour bus, and of course it was standard. So that was a no go. After what felt like hours and it probably was, we got our car and an acceptable car seat and broke away from our pack to find it in our own. Everyone said how easy it was to get there. So off we went. After driving around for a good hour and asking for directions from anyone I could we by accident found the place. Funny we got there the same time the rest of our group did. Don't worry they got lost too. English is not a primary language there, nor is Spanish, they speak popeamento or Dutch. Great...
This made asking for directions very hard. We settled in our rooms and headed back out the the grocery store which I knew where it was since we passed it on one of our many tried to find the resort. I am also using the word resort loosely here. That first night we decided to stay at the Blue Bay and eat there. The food was good but the service was long.

Sunday we went up stairs and all had breakfast together. And we headed to the beach. Aunt Eva had promised Maddie that they would play in the sand together and they did. it was great Maddie had 10 other eyes on her besides the usually four. Jeff and I actually went for a walk, it was odd. We usually do not have people say go, get a drink we have her, and they meant it. Maddie had a blast with her new "friends". Which is what she called them all as a group. Jeff and I took Aunt Eva and "friends" up in the offer and we went to get a drink. I ordered a strawberry margarita, Jeff a kalula colata. The bar tender said he could not make either. I ordered something else and he could not make that either. I said what can you make, his retort was "anything you want" I ini in my nicest "please don't spit in my drink", said, "obviously not because we have asked for three things and you can not make them". He offered to "freestyle" it was pretty good. We later found out he was the towel boy. Sunday evening was our first venture to leave the resort for food. We went to the front desk and hit directions. We took the lead. We found the restaurant with ease. It was about 15 minutes. The signs in this country are terrible. I mean really bad, there are none. This prompted Petrina to ask if I have been to this country before. I said no, never. And Jeff went in to explain how I am pretty good with a map and if there is food at the end I can get anywhere, he did say that once I am full I am useless. Which is true. I have no clue why my sense of direction is tied to my belly. Dinner was great and so was the service. So attentive. We actually went to this restaurant twice. Monday we went to the market area for water shoes. Jeff cut his foot Sunday when he stumbled on a rock. The market was an experience. They sold fresh fish, not on ice and used a news paper to shu away flies. Sorry no picture.. We got our shoes some kick ass bread pudding and headed To find the distillery. We all read about the awesome tours at the distillery. Curacao makes/ has its own liquor. By the time we got there they were closed for lunch. We walked across the street and ate lunch in a local restaurant. It was great. The distillery on the other had a lot to be desired.

Tuesday we decided to try another beach that they said was not as rocky. The rocks where as plentiful at Casa Abu, they where just smaller. I again with directions and a map found it. We had to go down a dirt road and when you got to the bottom we could peak around some trees and see the amazing view. It was amazing. The water was clearer than bath water. We only had to go in knee deep to see fish. Maddie could even see them it was great. We stayed there for most of the day. We decided to leave so Maddie could nap. The second car decided to leave as well since they might still be there if they didn't.

The rest of the week went on. We would get terrible directions from the hotel, drive around and ask for direction issuing charades. All in all we had a blast. It was a great week, however we have no plans to go back to this country. We will however piggy back on another vacation with any of Maddies "friends"

Endorsements

I know what your thinking, who am I.. Don't worry I agree. I have a few things we have purchased lately that are awesome, and worth spreading the word about.

As I mentioned my washing machine bit the dust. As much as I hated to spend the money on a new one, Honestly why couldn't Aunt Carol continue to do our laundry... Except when she does Maddie's towels they are not soft enough for our princess. Anyway my new top loading whirlpool is awesome!!!! My clothes are clean. My whites are white again. They have even gotten the Caca seal of approval. Just a little background on that. Aunt Carol hated that my whites always looked dingy. I couldn't help it she insisted that it was my electric dryer and that I do not hang my clothes outside. I will never hang my clothes outside, we are all too allergic to the outside and I just hate the way that looks. So when AC did our laundry she would always pick on my whites. She was highly annoyed that Jeff's undershirts where not as sparkling and starched as his dress shirts. She actually said I should get a second hamper and more shirts and she would do them weekly for Jeff. I am super anal about things. More so than people may know. I can spot a cheap suit or bad shoes (men's) a mile away. This was a quality I had even before Jeff. I also hate when a man has a dress shirt on an no undershirt under it. See told you I was a bit crazy. A button down collar with a tie also drives me nuts. The list can go on and on.... Sorry for getting off track. Now my whites bothered me but honestly who sees Jeff's undershirts. No one.. So I was not loosing sleep over it. I had a black shirt that was stained white from deodorant and now it is all black again. Amazing. It is also quiet. I mean my house no longer sounds like a landing pad. My house no longer shakes. I actually leave the laundry room door open so I can hear when it is done. My new washing machine is awesome!!

I got a Mani and pedi a couple weeks ago. The guy doing my nails pushed this gel manicure. He said it would last two weeks. I though yea right. Unusually can not leave the nail place with out a smudge or chip. I am almost at the two week mark and it is still going. I am pretty impressed.

My pillow. Both Jeff and I had heard the infomercials. Since there was a money back guarantee we figured what the heck and ordered them. They are great. Maddie loves hers. I usually slept with my head built up high and I don't with this pillow and Jeff is even sleeping on his back. I feel like I fall asleep faster and I feel refreshed in the morning. AC and UJ ordered them too and seem happy. Check out retailmenot if you plan to order for coupons.

Lastly Jeff has us all hooked on kind bars. They are fruit, nut granola bars. They are all natural with ingredients you can pronounce. While shopping this week I saw they had a bag of cereal. Both Maddie and I had some sprinkled over Greek yogurt for breakfast. This stuff is great and good for you. It is even cancer approved!! I get a lot of articles about Heath and nutrition. One very alarming one last week on nitrates, one hotdog a week can increase your chances of colon or rectal cancer by 40%. That is just crazy. Good thing we never eat them but we do love bacon. Oh well guess we will be giving that up too, unless I can find some natural nitrate free bacon. There must be a farm around here somewhere.

Making every birthday count

On Friday night Jeff and I went to an event for our local chapter of the American cancer society. It was lovely. The theme of the event was making every birthday count.
I also ordered shirts for us from stupid cancer. They say "get busy living".
I think both these themes sum up how I feel. Make every day count. And get busy living it is never too late.

We did not decide until last minute to go to the event. We (I) had a little problem securing babysitting. However in the end Caca came to our rescue. Sadly I do not have any pictures of Jeff and I. We both looked very nice. We ran into Dr Z there yes there is a flash from my past. He was glad to see I was doing so well. And I wanted to make sure he got my note on why I left his practice. It had nothing to do with him. However in the end the practice I chose was a much better fit for me. There was a silent auction during the cocktail hour which had pretty tasty food. At the dinner portion we where seated right near my oncology offices table. We actually spent most of the evening chatting with them. We got home fairly early. It was a very very nice night. Next year I expect to see more people support the event. :)

My head

I have given this post a couple days of thinking before I wrote it.

I was upset the other day when I heard about MCA from the beastie boys passing. Jeff knowing how much I love them wanted to make sure I was ok. Now I did not cry or anything but it is just an odd feeling I get when I hear of someone passing from cancer. I think it just shines a light that at any moment we cold be gone. I completely understand that in the end I may not even die from my cancer, but it is a factor.

I had to meet with a fitness coach for an assesment when I re-joined the gym. I will be 37 this month. When they did "actuall age" entering my weight and health they said my body feels like it is 42 however if I loose the 10lbs I want it would drop to 33. That whole cancer thing just spiked it way up. It's annoying.

I have done a lot of reading on cancer and how you feel after etc. I don't sit here and ponder every Ache and pain and wonder. But if I have trouble sleeping that is where my mind wonders. I think or wonder if I am doing everything to prevent a "relapse" (what a crappy word). It's crazy how your mind can wonder. I don't remember being like this before my diagnoisis. This whole cancer thing completely changes you.

I try to get up with a positive attitude each day, I try not to get bogged down with useless nonsense or caught up in other peoples drama. Life is to short to be miserable. Try to enjoy each day because you never know when it can be your last.

Another one bites the dust....

Appliance that is.. Mothers day came early this year, only because We do not have enough clean underwear to hold us over. Monday I put a load of laundry in set everything up and hit start. Only to hear a god awful noise. After speaking to a repair guy, Jeff, uncle Joel I ended up at Sohns. Aunt Carol came to the rescue and picked up our dirty laundry and washed, dried and folded all of our clothes. She did not iron (which I find funny since she says it is her talent) and delivered then back to us. I almost for a brief moment thought this system could work. But my new washer arrived today. I have not used it yet since we need new hoses. But I am excited. I never felt my old machine cleaned the clothes well and it shook the whole house when on spin.

To nipple or not to nipple....

I am healing very nicely. My reduction side is no longer bleeding and looks good. My cancer side, fake side what ever we call it looks good too.
Yesterday I went into the city for my check up with David and he said it is up to me but I could get a nipple as soon as the 14th. I spoke to Jeff and aunt Carol about it and they both think I should wait until after our trip. Jeff stressed to me that this is entirely up to me, that I do not need to donut if I do not want to. I think I will do it. I just don't know when.
I have also been ok'd to wear a bra with underwire. I know most people shutter at the thought but I am so excited. I have not had matching underwear in years.

Complete

We are whole again at our house. I finally went to pick up Jack. For those of you don't know or are not familiar with it, we had Jack privately cremated and his ashes returned to us. I have known for a couple of weeks that I could go get him. It was something I didn't want to do with Maddie, since we are usually together I figured I better get my boy and bring him home. We stopped yesterday on our way to hop n healthy. I explained that we needed to pick up something of Jacks from the vet. When I went in the normal receptionist who knows us was on the phone. A new girl asked if she could help me, I tried my best to skirt the issue and say why I was there. Finally Meredith got off the phone and got the bag for me. All Maddie said when she handed it to us was, "I really miss my buddy". Heart breaking....
So we are complete again.. Jack is home and his ashes are right next to Jessie's, I thought last night that I should not have them right next to each other since Jess always got huffy if Jack was too close they always needed a buffer of a pillow or something. Silly I know.

Long time...

I feel I start ll of these with an apology anymore. Things are going well.

I had my three month follow up with Dr M today. I guess when they are so used to seeing me at my worse that it is shocking for them to see me. They all made a big deal about how well I looked. I have a little make up on today and I have hair!! Something that was falling out in clumps this time lasts year. I am not being pumped with drugs that work against me. Of course I look better that I did. I also have lost some weight. I need to loose more. I was doing better until I found a sale on peanut butter eggs at target. 75% off how could I pass then up. So needless to say I have bee doing more kettlebell exercises. No petscan this time. And I do not need to see them again until July.

My reduction side is finally starting to heal. I am still covering it furring the day but I think I can stop that soon. I did buy an off the rack bathing suit at target for $34 I was very excited. I have not tried on a blouse however I did buy some more flowy shirts, something I would have never worn before.

Maddie is doing great. She is really busy and talking and singing up a storm. She loves to sing tomorrow from Annie, the normal kiddy songs and his week she even started signing crazy train by Ozzy Osbourne. It's a funny performance.

We booked a trip!! If you do not want us to tag along you should probably not tell us about your trip. Aunt Eva told us that she was going to curacao we read about it and booked it. See don't tell us we might just tag along. :). Anyone planning a disney trip?

Hair cut, highlights and plastic surgery

I got a hair cut and a few highlights last week. I no longer feel or look like a cancer patient. I look like a normal person who has a short hair cut. I am getting used to my new curls and they are not as bad as I anticipated. I do miss pony tails however this hair cut is pretty easy to maintain.
Yesterday I had to go to the city for my appointment with David and we had a town meeting last night. I knew I would be speaking so I put some make up on. Everyone at David's office and our neighbors commented on how well I looked yesterday. I usually do not put make up on during the week. Maybe it is that or that I am shedding my zepoli weight from last year. It's funny because one of our neighbors kept saying how young I looked and wanted to know if I lost weight. YES I have I been very careful about what I eat. I have been passing on dessert and not visiting Mary Jane's. For my non-local or family member readers, Mary Jane's is an ice cream stand near our house. I have 10 more lbs I would like to loose and a lot of Toning to do, however I think it is a great start. We have planned and booked a trip and I want to look good in my bathing suit that I plan to buy off the rack at a department store. Not from a specialty catalog for top heavy women!!!!

Hello April

I want to start by saying this year is flying by. I am sorry for not blogging for a bit. It isn't that I do not want to or that life has been so boring that I can not find topics. I just feel like time is flying by. I will try to be better.
On the cancer front. I a doing pretty well. Actually the cancer side is looking great. The side I had the reduction on has been giving me issue. Radiation is not as targeted as they say. There is scatter so my good side did get some scatter radiation. It has not been healing as quickly as I usually do. A few weeks ago they actually cut the scab off to allow for better healing. The scab was thick and hindering the sides to come together. It also bleed a lot. It had been looking better though I had been keeping it covered. Yesterday I went for a check up and as I got undressed I somehow re-opened it. I was bleeding like crazy. I grabbed gauze and held it to me to try and stop the bleeding, I also started to clean up myself and the floor. I realized I better put the gown On so when Barbara or David came in I was not topless cleaning the floor. Good thing they run late because I had enough time to clean everything and take a seat before they came in. Barbara came in first and said she could fix it. She pulled out a stick with something on it. I knew what she wanted to do and I was not going to let that happen. I was not prepared for that or the pain. I have had my nose cautherized and to be honest I never want it again. So my negotiating begins. What do we do if we don't do that?? Nothing was the response we continue to allow it to heal on its own. We all know now that I need a little help. I began to question the pain, just then David walks in. I am still Ina defensive position, arms crossed an left hand cupping my right boob one to keep the gauze on to stop the bleeding and two to hide it.... We decided that they would just touch it to my skin and if it hurt they would stop. Just then Jeff walks in. I knew I needed to allow this to happen, because if I kept up my protest and acting like a two year old I would be restrained an forced to do it anyway. I was out numbered and weighed so.... I did it!! It barely hurt it was a sting and it stung on and off all day. Nothing crazy. Now it just itches.. I hate that I get myself so worked up over silly things. It is so stupid.

Morning to myself..

Well not an entire morning, I would say probably 45 minutes. Maddie went to church with Caca, aunt Patty, Emma and Timmy. They left a little after 8 and I expect them back with in the half hour and Jeff is finally using his fathers day gift. As he left this morning he asked what I was going to do with myself. I said shower an shave my legs. He looked at me funny. Since Maddie escaped her crib I have no longer had a shower with out an audience. I try to put the tv on in my room and hope she stays there but she usually makes her way into the bathroom to critique me. "Are you scrubbing" "are you using soap" "how are your boo boos".
It was nice to know that today when I got out if the shower all my clothes where still on the ledge of the tub and not in the tub with the water running or moved to another location. My shoes are not all over. I did not have to get out of the shower until I was ready to!!!

One year ago

I didn't even realize it. Jeff kept saying it was the anniversary of my surgery. I was not understanding what he meant, I thought he was talking about my last surgery. He was talking about my first one.. A year ago today it all started. I was well into my mastectomy surgery at this time.
Gosh that seems like so long ago. I am glad that is behind me!! That time was so crazy. I needed to push through the surgery, heal, and start the treatment. The whole year, when I look back seems like a crazy roller coaster ride.
I have no real plans for today. I have a yucky cough and not a lot of energy. I also have three huge baskets of laundry to iron and fold and put away. I am hoping Maddie naps today. I would also love to wash my kitchen floor.

Ugh

Well it happened.. We had a very nice day here. Figaro showed up and ate. He/she quickly ran off when Maddie banged on the window. We danced around to Disney tunes on Pandora and we even did some yoga today. All in all a good day until about 20 mins ago. After hearing a song Maddie wanted to watch the princess and the frog. As we came downstairs from her bath she yelled for Jack. "a-mon, we watch the frogs". I said to her remember Jacks in heaven with Jessie, oh was her response. She thought we should pick him up, I said we can't. She then thought for a moment and asked he was all better. I quickly replied that he feels better than ever!! Maddie said good. I am sure we will have this conversation a few more times..

Observation..

This is just an observation that I found funny.  I had some left over dry dog food.  I know that our shelter will not accept open food.  I decided to toss it over our fence for the stray cat that Maddie named Figaro (The same name as Minnie's cat).  We watch Figaro try to hunt often and he us unsuccessful most days.  As he pounces and comes up with out anything Maddie says "He didnt get it".  Im glad she understands the food chain and cycle of life at such a young age.  Anyway, we have not seen Figaro today but the birds are all over the food.  There are two piles, one of a premium food called Happy Hips The other was a really cheap food that was chewy.  The birds have almost finished the Happy Hips and have hardly touched the cheap food. 

Borrowed time..

A greyhounds life span is 12-14 years. Most greys we have known passed around 12 however we always said 12-14 at meet and greets. Jack turned 14 this past August. So we have "borrowed" 6 months on him. It was time it was crazy to see how quickly he turned for the worse.
He came to us a little over 5.5 years ago as a skinny foster who had bad teeth and was in much need of a bath. He got all he needed and was such a happy boy. When we put a collar on with his full name he hung his head high. Jack had a rough life before he found us. He was abused and neglected. He was only a foster at first however when he jumped up on the couch Jessie moved over to share with him that when we knew. Though jack had his issues. He like variety in his feeding however could not talk to tell me what he wanted. He hated thunder and loud noises and had a standing order for xanex to help with his anxiety issues. He was very routined, which was great for me :). He loved watching football and would get on the couch early on a Sunday morning so he would get the second best seat in our house. (Jeff has the first). I am glad he got to see his Giants win again. Maddie will miss you buddy!! I don't think we will ever find a dog a patient as you had been with her. We will miss you old man.

Good news and some that could be better

I went in for a follow up yesterday with David. It went well. I have been cleared to wear a supportive non underwire bra I no loner have to wear a sports bra 24/7 which was very nice to sleep lastnight. I can also exercise again. He did sag nothing crazy like crossfit or a bootcamp (which I have been looking into). However he is fine with "normal" people exercise. I do have to wear a sports bra. It's funny because they David and his nurse keep reminding me of the importance of wearing a bra. I was much bigger on top before this. I always wore a bra. If you are top heavy you know what I mean, it is uncomfortable to go with out.
So now to the coils be better.... One of the incisions on the reduction side is not healing as cleanly as they would like so at some point later they will probably have to cut it and re-stitch i. Now to the implant side. That is healing nicely however I have this extra skin that is swollen near my armpit and looks like another very small boob when I close my arm. I do not have it on the right side. We will give it some time to see if it is fluid or scar
Tissue. I may have to have Lypo-suction on it to clear it up. So all and all it was a good check up with some stuff to watch. I think I may order some Zumba DVDs today!! And call the gym about a new membership. :). I need to loose weight! Well more than I have. Still no decision on a "thank god this I over" trip.....

Checking in

I am not sure why I do not update this more often. Last week was nice. Jeff kept dropping hints that he wanted to celebrate valentines day. Something we have not done since the first one that we spent together. Jeff worked from home last Monday and we (the three of us) went out to a very nice lunch. We did wander around a couple of jewelry stores but I didn't pull the trigger on anything. Tuesday which really was valentines day. He was home in time for dinner which was very nice. And Maddie and I knocked one out of the park on our gift. We got him a limited edition signed book by an author that we like.
The rest of the week was uneventful. I did manage to hurt myself on Friday. I was doing laundry and the basket was too heavy and I could feel the pulling on the reduction side. I did not put the basket down I just kept going. I know I know but the thought of bringing it in to our room so I could fold and iron in multiple trips just seemed silly.

The shape (of my new boobs) is coming along and I am looking forward to my check up tomorrow. I am hoping they "snip" a couple of the dissolvable stitches that have not dissolved. I don't know why my body does not dissolve them. I am looking forward to getting back to the gym. I need to exercise. I am feeling rather like a blimp and I just think it would be good for me.

On the home front. Maddie has transitioned into sleeping most nights all night Long in her bed. We still need to work on her bed time. Jack is ok. He has been having accidents. He actually had two the other night. I don't get why he isn't waking us. I am a very light sleeper so much that I can hear him peeing. So I would have brought him down stairs I he wanted to. I guess he enjoys watching clean the carpet at 1 am.
I have been pricing out Disney cruises since Maddie said she would love to see Mickey again. I need to run everything byJeff I don't think he realizes how much I would like to go away. This time last year we where away and we really had a nice time. I would recommend the break to anyone who is facing what I did last year. Thinking about the beach and playing with Maddie has really gotten me through this past year.

So long to the Kid

Gary Carter is/was one of my all time favorite Mets. I was sad when I heard of his aggressive diagnosis and was sad today when I heard of his passing.

I feel a bit more upset now when I hear of people that pass from their cancers. I guess it makes me think of my own mortality. When will I get my next pet scan, will it be clean again. I do a ton of reading on research and what I should be eating, not eating, should I be taking supplements or aspirin. Who is doing the research are they reputable, and so on. It is exhausting to think about it all. I read to see if there is something I should be doing so that I can prevent Maddie from having to worry about this disease. I wish we knew to root of my cancer. Meaning if it was hormone driven it would be easier to pin point why I had it. However being triple negative leaves it out there for guessing. I am very happy that I am BRACA negative meaning to do not carry or posses the breast cancer genes, however that doesn't mean there are not more breast cancer genes to be identified. We watched a special either 20/20 or 60 minutes the other night and they where complaint that the lab that discovered the genes have pattoned them there for they own them the testing and research. Most of the women in the segment complained of the cost of the test, since there is no way for another lab to do the testing. I wonder how this hinders more research.

One year ago.....

One year ago today we helped our first baby to the bridge. We still miss her tons. We know what we did was right we just miss that silly greyhound of ours. Sadly I think we will be helping Jack soon as well. I know it is just a cycle of life, I just don't know how to explain it to Maddie. I tell her that Jack might have to go and keep Jess company soon in heaven. Maddie's response is that she will go find her. :(.

Two weeks post-op

And I am feeling well. I am still sore but it is from bruising. The area on the implant side that they removed a lot of scar tissue is still sore but i am not complaining. I had almost all of my stitches removed yesterday and That felt much better. A lot of the swelling has gone down and the shape is coming right along. I am "off" next week but I go back the following week for a check up.
They still do not want me to exercise or do anything that really raises my blood pressure. Though I have been taking care of Maddie. There are things I can not do, lifting Maddie carriage being one of them, however I have. T tried it in a few days.
I am very excited to try on clothes once I can with a real bra. I am excited to buy a bathing suit off a rack and not out if a specialty catalog for top heavy women. I am looking forward to owning matching underwear!! I am so happy I will never have Togo to a plus size store to find a bra that is supportive enough. I love that I do not have back pain. For those of you that are top heavy as well you know what I am talking about, that pulling back pain. It is gone!! It happened almost immediately after the surgery. I can not explain how great that feels.
Not too much is really new here. Maddie keeps us laughing all the time today for instance she decided to flick tomato sauce and laugh. I corrected her and she did it again. Jeff was in the kitchen and was trying to figure out the mess. He was looking for tossed pasta not knowing she was flicking it. So as she did it the second time I corrected her as did Jeff as he turned away Maddie in her bossy voice yelled at me and said "stop, getting me in trouble with daddy". I said I am not getting you in trouble you did it by making a mess... Of course this all ended in laughs. She is such a boss. We are in trouble.
I have gotten a couple of emails. I did cancel our cruise. I was not comfortable cruising on carnival, we had an issue in the past and after the Italian boat disaster that was owned by carnival I cancelled. We have not booked another trip. I have been looking though. So I will take suggestions. My requirements are: nice beach and sand must have pool. I would love a kids club or activities for Maddie too. Any thoughts??

Clean

I showered today. It felt great!! I don't know why I could not shower with this drain but could with the other one. Oh well. Both drains are out not and I am feeling so much better. I am still sore but honestly it is nothing. I feel week the few times I have picked Maddie up so I guess I will have to let that heal a bit more. Other than that I am doing good today :)

Day 3 post surgery

I am feeling pretty well. I had a follow up with David today. I also had my unavailing. I have to say I am quite pleased. They are a work in progress. (still). I could get one drain removed however the one on the left side is there until Thursday. After that it is light lifting and a sports bra for... Here is where the story changes. David says 3 months and the nurse said 4-6 weeks. I think the longer I can live in a sports bra the better the shape will look. Who cares, I'm already happy. As for pain. I am sore. Since the right side was just skin and tissue it is not baas at all especially now that the drain is out. There was deeper tissues and muscle on the left so that side has more pain. But again it is not so bad. I do have some bruising but that was to be expected. I have manage all pain with just some extra strength Tylenol, which grandpa was please about when he checked in tonight. My Gram and Jeff's grandpa are of that generation that you grin and bear it, so they are both get very excited when I "push threw pain"
Now onto my fat lip, the plastic surgeon feels it is from the anesthesiologist, I have to say that is more annoying than my new boobs. It might be more annoying since I was not prepared for a fat lip. Oh well.

Update

I am sore. And still a bit groggy from the meds. My lip that I bit at some point hurts the most. I have drains again they aren't so bad this time and they will come out on Monday. It's funny I thought the reduction side would hurt more than the mastectomy side. It's the opposite. My left side is much more uncomfortable.

One year.....

What a year. I am full of emotions today. It has been a year since I heard... "reactive cells", "what part of breast cancer are you not getting" and "are you sitting?, it is cancer"...
I am excited to have my pet scan in two days. It is crazy how your brain works. My blood is fine. However every ache and cough makes me wonder if a small cell was camped out somewhere and the nasty chemo and even worse radiation did not find it and kill it! I know it is in my head but it's just how my thought process goes. I will have better peace of mind on Thursday.
Friday is my surgery!! I can not wait. I have done tons of reading and the pain should not be too bad. Nothing like I have already put myself through last year. I love looking at the catalogs that come in the mail of possible shirts I can wear in the future and not worry about a button staying closed. Or the idea of buying a bathing suit that does not cost a fortune because I need super support on top. I just need to get rid of my spare tire around my belly and I will be set. I am working on it I am down about 8lbs from my heaviest..

Next Week

My Insurance okayed my PET scan quickly and Union Sq could get me in next week.  So Wed I will be heading to the city for my Scan.  I will get the wet read results pretty quickly, I just need to call Dr M and tell him to call :o) and then Surgery on Friday.  Busy week.....  Very reminiscent of last year.

Remember me???

I bet everyone thought I had given up on my blog. I haven't I just run out of time when my eyes are open.

I had gotten an upper resp infection at thanksgiving and it is still sticking around. I also had a stomach bug along with everyone in my house including Guppie. What a surprise
60th that was for her. Happy New Year!! Happy Birthday!!! Do you need saltines? It's been fun.

On the home front Maddie has escaped her crib so we are transitioning to a toddler bed it is getting better however we have not had a full nights sleep in about a month. It is really taking a toll on us. I got a new dishwasher for the holidays since the one that came with the house caught on fire. Not a large one and it was contained but it was still a fire. We are fighting with our town to zone an adult use area and halt the expansion of the massive strip club and supporting retail space they have planned. It is funny to me to see people reactions to this. I have gotten more "good luck with that's" than I did for my cancer. Why are people so negative. I would rather go down on a swing than watch the strike. At least I tried.
Now to my cancer front. All systems are a go for my surgery on 1/27!! I don't know what time. I am looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to the nap! I need to squeeze in a pet scan between now and then and I found out today that Dr M would like me to go back to the city for that. No big deal I just hope they can fit me in. I had a mammo on my "good" boob everything looked good there but I do have a lot of scar tissue around my port. They actually asked if I had trauma to the area, I haven't I have a two year old that knows my weak area.
I will try to get back to my regular posts.