My head

I have given this post a couple days of thinking before I wrote it.

I was upset the other day when I heard about MCA from the beastie boys passing. Jeff knowing how much I love them wanted to make sure I was ok. Now I did not cry or anything but it is just an odd feeling I get when I hear of someone passing from cancer. I think it just shines a light that at any moment we cold be gone. I completely understand that in the end I may not even die from my cancer, but it is a factor.

I had to meet with a fitness coach for an assesment when I re-joined the gym. I will be 37 this month. When they did "actuall age" entering my weight and health they said my body feels like it is 42 however if I loose the 10lbs I want it would drop to 33. That whole cancer thing just spiked it way up. It's annoying.

I have done a lot of reading on cancer and how you feel after etc. I don't sit here and ponder every Ache and pain and wonder. But if I have trouble sleeping that is where my mind wonders. I think or wonder if I am doing everything to prevent a "relapse" (what a crappy word). It's crazy how your mind can wonder. I don't remember being like this before my diagnoisis. This whole cancer thing completely changes you.

I try to get up with a positive attitude each day, I try not to get bogged down with useless nonsense or caught up in other peoples drama. Life is to short to be miserable. Try to enjoy each day because you never know when it can be your last.